Bang on !!!

*Here’s how the Indian TV news channel MDTV 25×8 would  report the  Jack-and-Jill incident. All names (except those of Jack and  Jill), are  fictitious.*

PRASHANT – TV Anchor
We have important breaking news here. Two persons have  been injured in a  freak climbing accident. Jack and his companion Jill had  gone up a hill to  fetch a pail of water when Jack fell down and broke his  crown. Jill came  tumbling after. Live from the hill, our reporter, Amrita  Shah, takes up the  story.

AMRITA SHAH
Thank you Prashant. Well, as you say, two persons – Jack  and Jill – had gone  up a hill to fetch a pail of water. Suddenly, Jack fell  down and broke his  crown and Jill came tumbling after. Prashant.

PRASHANT
Thank you, Amrita. What do we know about the hill?

AMRITA
Not too much at the moment. Jack was going up the hill to  fetch a pail of  water when he fell down and broke his crown. Jill came  tumbling after.

[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: “HILL  BREAKS CROWN OF  PAIL-BOY JACK”]

PRASHANT
Any news of Jack and Jill?

AMRITA
Prashant, it seems that Jack had gone up the hill to fetch  a pail of water.  We know nothing about the pail, or how heavy it was. But it  appears that  Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling  after. I have  here with me, an eyewitness to the entire accident, Mr  Shahid Trivedi. Mr  Shahid, tell us what you saw.

SHAHID TRIVEDI
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.  Jack fell down and  broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after.

[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: “BOY AND  GIRL TUMBLE DOWN  HILL. WATER SPILLED”]

AMRITA
Jack and Jill. What do we know about them? Are they brother  and sister? Are  they married? Just what were they doing on the hill  together?

SHAHID TRIVEDI
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.

AMRITA
And what happened next?

SHAHID TRIVEDI
Jack fell down and broke his crown.

AMRITA
Go on…

SHAHID TRIVEDI
And Jill came tumbling after.

AMRITA
Prashant, there you have it! Two people innocently going  about their  business to fetch a pail of water when one of them falls  down, breaks his  crown, and the other comes tumbling after. Back to you in  the studio,  Prashant.

[Headline appears at the foot of the TV screen: “WATER  ERRAND ENDS IN  TRAGEDY”]

PRASHANT
I have with me in the studio now, Professor Chandrashekhar  Belagare from the  Indian Institute of Applied Hill Sciences. Professor: A  hill. Jack. Jill. A  pail of water. A tragedy waiting to happen?

PROF BELAGARE
Well… that depends on the hill, the two persons, the  object they were  carrying and the conditions underfoot. Let us look at the  evidence so far:   Jack and Jill / Went up the hill / To fetch a pail of  water. / Jack fell  down / And broke his crown / And Jill came tumbling after.

Clearly, one would suspect that if Jack’s fall was severe  enough to break  his crown, then the surface of the hill must have been  slippery and  therefore unstable. But I think we’re overlooking  something quite  fundamental here. Who was carrying the pail? Jack fell down  and broke his  crown and – this is the key – Jill came tumbling after.  If Jack and Jill had  been carrying the pail together, would they not have fallen  at the same  time? The fact that Jill came tumbling after suggests that  Jack lost his  footing first and perhaps knocked Jill over as he slipped.

PRASHANT
Professor, thank you very much. So there we have it, two  persons – Jack and  Jill – went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack   fell down and broke  his crown, and Jill came tumbling after.
Later in the  programme, some other  news: Osama bin Laden captured in Afghanistan, President  Obama promises free  health-care for every American citizen, and Pakistan  launches nuclear  warheads against key Indian cities.
But next up, join us  after the break for  an in-depth studio discussion about hills, boys and girls,  and whether  water-fetching trips should be supervised. Don’t go away.
We’ll be right  back …..

P.S.: The irony is that this is barely a joke …. it’s is  near REAL!!!
That’s EXACTLY how our fancy (and so-called) NEWS channels
operate! What a  shame

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